Gluten is the devil!

So, I have spoken to several different people about the difficulties and potential benefits of removing Gluten from my diet. So, here’s the deal: (Feel free to Google any of this)

Gluten binds to the Opiate receptors in the brain. The actual molecule is called glutomorphin.  This is why, when you eat a pizza, you keep eating even though you know you’re full. The brain treats gluten like a drug. If someone is sensitive to gluten (like me), this reaction can cause a host of symptoms. My most prominent symptom was “brain fog”. I decided to go gluten free to test my theory. WARNING!! If you are going to go gluten free, be prepared. The first week or two will suck. You will have withdrawal symptoms much like that of a hardcore drug user (remember the brain receptors). My withdrawals lasted about 10 days. After that, I felt better than I had in almost a year. WARNING!! If you make it thru the withdrawals, and have anything with gluten in it, you get to go thru another week of withdrawal. This happened to me too. I have found that eating carbs throughout the day and taking vitamin C helped. You may ask, “Is it hard to stay away from gluten?” Yes, it is. Gluten is in almost everything. You have to read labels, and do your homework. Anything with Wheat, Rye, or Barley has gluten. I didn’t think I would ever be able to eat bread again but during a trip to Whole Foods, we noticed they carried a large selection of gluten free products, including bread, hamburger buns, pasta and pizza crusts.

So, good luck, and keep grinding.

Anxiety

I am not an anxious person. That being said, I recently stopped eating gluten and successfully made it thru the gluten withdrawals. The worst symptom was anxiety. Since I am not used to it, I don’t know how to deal with it very well. I drank something that contained gluten, a few days ago, and BAM! I get to deal with it again (for a day or two). If you have never had an anxiety attack, then you may be saying “Chris, just relax. You’re over-reacting!” Well, you are probably right but being in the middle of one makes people think and do things that make no sense. How do they start? WebMD. If you are on the verge of one and you go on WebMD, you will be dying before you can close it out. For example: I know what is causing the anxiety. I know that tomorrow it will be fine but for now, according to WebMD, I could have MS. Even though NO ONE in my family has ever had it, based on that, my chances of developing it are about .1%. All of the rationale makes no difference when I am easing my way thru an anxiety attack. It’s f#$%^ng ridiculous and I would never wish it on anyone.

Gay/Lesbien Marraige

I keep hearing about “religious” groups condemning gays and gay rights regurgitating some obscure Bible verse, or whatever. So let’s get to it. You want to talk about religion: It’s not the most credible institution. Let’s not forget, the crusades were waged in God’s name. Also, If you want to quote Bible verses, what about Mathew 7:1 “Judge not, lest ye be judged” or John 8:7 “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” How about the part where God gave us freedom of choice. The list goes on and on. The point is, if you are going to condemn someone or some group, don’t use the Bible as your reference. Remember how much everyone hates the Westboro Baptist Church hypocrites? If you don’t want to be grouped in with them, at LEAST, use different references.

So, back to the gay marriage announcement and the Arkansas Democrat/Gazette’s refusal to publish it: WTF?!? Who is it hurting?!? If you said No One… you’re right. If 2 guys or 2 girls want to get married, fine. Believe it or not, it’s not going to destroy the institute of marriage (which currently has a 45+% failure rate), it’s not going to crash the economy, it’s not going to end the world, AND, we probably won’t even know about it. The only people it affects are the 2 people getting married. I say,  who has the right to keep 2 people, who are in love, from being married. I say, Good for them!

Damn it, food! Why wont you cooperate?!?

OK, so after doing a little trial and error and eliminating certain foods from my diet to see where the food allergy is, we found out it’s gluten. Yeah. We have an answer. Boo! Gluten is in damn near everything. That’s not the bad part. Since gluten metabolites bind to opiate receptors in the brain, going 100% gluten free comes with withdrawal symptoms. Yippy!

I have noticed there are a lot more gluten allergy cases now than there were 50 years ago. Thank you GMO’s. We all appreciate your sneakiness.

Public Restroom Etiquette

OK, today we will discuss public restroom etiquette.

 

1. Urinal conversations are absolutely prohibited. Nobody should want to talk whilst peeing.
2. If you are a Super Pooper, and have successfully stopped up an industrial toilet, consider a double flush. No one wants to walk in and see a stopped up toilet.
3. WASH YOUR HANDS!! We all touch the same door knobs and I don’t want your sharticles on my hands. It’s gross, and we could all get Pink Eye.
4. Finally, if you are in a stall, close the door. It’s just polite.  

Traffic is a b!tch

Today, let talk about a major part of most people’s daily grind: Traffic.

I have never understood the concept of a traffic jam WITHOUT an accident. If there is a wreck, and cars are blocking lanes of traffic, fine. I get that. However, I don’t understand how people, who make the same drive every day, can be surprised….every day….. that they have to merge in the same places…..every day! In several European countries, the law requires the use of the “zipper effect” when in a merging situation. If you do not use it, you can get a ticket for impeding the flow of traffic. PEOPLE! Pay attention.

Football fans are crazy

OK, I live in Arkansas. We don't have a pro football team so everyone gravitates towards cheering for the Razorbacks. This would not bother me if we only had one team in the state….but that’s not the case. So here is my list of complaints, in no certain order:

 #1. “We” haven’t done a damn thing. How many quarters have YOU played?

 #2. The Razorbacks are NOT a professional team and their coach should not be paid as such. I don’t give a sh!t who he coached before he was hired by a STATE school. He makes over $3 MILLION every year, which makes him the highest paid government employee in the entire state.

 #3. Having your car painted like a razorback (or some other ridiculousness) is NOT cool. If you must support them, a simple bumper sticker will do.

#4. “Oh, well the Hogs bring in more revenue than the other teams.” Well, if the other teams got the same level of support…. Guess what: They would bring in the same level of revenue.

#5. Go Boll Weevils! (U of A at Monticello)